Did you know that having a fear of intimacy is not just about romance and romantic relationships?
Intimacy relates to ALL human relationships and as you get to deeply know someone you are also allowing yourself to be closely known.
Intimacy is super important to your mental health and well-being. If you do not allow yourself to be closely known to others this can lead to severe, sometimes hidden, depression, anxiety, health issues and loneliness.
Avoiding intimacy is essentially a fear of getting hurt.
If you are always busy, never sit still or work your toosh off at work it is subconsciously or consciously a way to keep people at bay. This way you can avoid being real with yourself and others won’t get close enough to see you and what you perceive as “flaws”. These perceived “flaws” are essentially feelings like everyone else including grief, sadness, shame etc.
To others you appear as always positive and your life is in perfect order. This can be a tactic to hide parts of ourselves and avoid being vulnerable, however vulnerability is how we deeply connect.
There is also less chance someone will even try to get close to you as they will not see that you too are human and have flaws just like them and they have no way to connect in. You appear as though you have no room for a relationship with anyone as your life is already perfect.
You are not being you.
Do you know what you know what you want in a partner and have the list of exactly what they have to be like? This is a way of avoiding connecting with someone as the list is usually something that no one can live up to.
Let’s face it, if you did find your ideal partner you wouldn’t want to be with them anyway. Your fear of intimacy and closeness wouldn’t let you. In order for this potential relationship to work you would need to be vulnerable, imperfect and flawed.
You would need to let go of the fear of getting hurt and take a risk.
You may actually find due to your fear of intimacy you will be attracted to someone who is emotionally unavailable (not looking for love, still hung up on someone else or they are already taken). They may be co-dependent and try and find happiness through someone else and will manipulate to get it.
Like a lot of things this fear of getting hurt has most likely stemmed from childhood. Your emotional needs may not have been met and/or there was a lack of healthy vulnerable conversations, love, affection and hugs.
You have come to his post for a reason as you are ready to let go of this fear of intimacy.
Let me help you because I too once had a fear of intimacy.
What will happen when you let this fear of intimacy go? ALL your relationships will improve! Your intimate relationships, friendships, your ability to work with colleagues and your capacity to create the life you really want just by being the real you.